The Unofficial List of 2008

I wanted to make a list of things to do this year. The year of all years. I am so enthusastic about the adventures that this year will hold. So here comes so ideas of things I truly hope to try and accomplish ....

- Watch the Planet Earth's Dvd collection
- Go Skydiving for my graduation ... ive only been waiting for years ;)
- Run a 5k or a 1/2 marathon
- GRADUATE from Nursing School
- Get and start my first grown up job... (Ill be a nurse)
- Read some books ... Any kind - just no text books
- Travel to another state (I havent been to)
- Travel to Mexico City to visit the orphanage
- Sing aloud for all to hear
- Learn to eat with chopsticks
- Take a dance lesson or two
- Meet a new friend
- Take a special adventure with my nephews
- Learn to do a 180 jump with my snowboard (start small - think big)
- Cross the wake with the wakeboard
- Take a day to travel by myself
- Make a piece of pottery - and paint it
- Go hiking!
- Play ultimate frisbee with friends
- TURN 22 - I ve been waiting for this day since I can remember!
- Spend a date with my dad.
- Go to a concert
- See a theatrical production (ballet, play .. etc.)
- Continue to seek the Lord and live with intention...

With all the above thoughts, God be my guide and use me to make a difference. Teach me to live.

Inner Purity

Matthew 15: 1 - 20.

In the past few days, I have been praying about the condition of my heart. This morning I read this passage of scripture and it stuck with me...

8: "These people honor me with their lips, but their hearts are far from me."

Where is your heart? What is the desires or depths of your heart crying out to? Does the Lord find your heart a place of worship, a place where He is honored? Or is your heart focused on the passions of your own ambition? People hear the praises of the Lord on our lips, but the Lord hears our praises from our hearts.

I was talking with a friend about a picture. An image of a little girl reaching up to hold the hands of her father, and in her eyes you could see the reflection of her daddy. If your heart is focused on Jesus, so should your eyes. If people looked at your eyes,would they see your Father's Reflection? And when Jesus is examining your heart right now, would He find a pure heart that exalts Him and His desires for your life.

Take a moment and examine your heart and the focus of your eyes.

One Night. One Choice.

Tonight I sit here and discuss the ugliness of sin and the pain of the choices that need to made. Fascinating isn’t it that I find myself writing what I have been writing for the past three months. Life is redundant. Repetition that will make a Ferris wheel appear exciting. Over time the mercy of God will become the wrath of God. Why do I play around with this? The thoughts of the fury of God on the Egyptian People and the Hebrews should shake the sin out of the nation. Although, I continue to try the patience of Jesus.



The choice of a one night. The overwhelming guilt and the forgiveness of a Perfect Savior. This morning the voice of a speaker rang out the words " Jesus loves me." He does love me. and how I barely understand the depth of that love. Today I am grateful, and humbled. Words dont express those feelings very well... but I guess I am sorry to all those I let down. Its been an extremely busy semester with mixed up priorities. Its time to allow God to take control... and Start from here... excuses abandoned ... Allow my Weakness to be my Strength through Jesus Christ. Amen.

When you cant sleep... Count your blessings

Last night, I was tossing and turning ... just couldnt fall asleep. I became really frustrated and decided to roll out from the covers and began to pace the floor. (Yes, I really did.) My heart was heavy with thoughts and I started to cry. It was Thanksgiving, and I had not taken a moment to Thank God for all of the wonderful blessings in my life.

My past year and half has been very crazy as I have become older and have been learning that life as an "adult" is not what I thought it would be... Although, through all the tears and the pain ... There are these blessings that shine!

So here is a list of some of the significant blessings in my life:
- My mother and my father have been on their knees praying for me since before I took my first breath of life. I have been blessed by their commitment to the Lord, and to each other. They love each other more today and continue to set an example of a Godly marriage.
- My brothers have been protecting me and been my best friends. I have traveled and learned so many things from them and we are each others support. Kyle was blessed with a new baby (Cole is a perfectly healthy boy) and a beautiful bride Kayla.
- My sister continues to keep me organized and on track with all the craziness that school brings and make sures that I am eating healthy... She has heard me rant and rave over all of life trials and excitments. I love you dear sister.
- My roommate is an inspiration that lives passionately for the Lord. Her heart and her soul seek Him first and I am so thankful to be able to see her everyday. The Lord has been so faithful in showing us His mercy and granting us peace in our home. I love you Jesse McNally. You have helped me more than you know ... even when i have to wake you at the break of dawn. ;)
- To my friends - Carin (my BFF who is serving in the Military), Alicia, erin, ellie, You girls have been there for me through everything... and even though we may never get to see each other... I love you. Seriously I pray for you often .. Keep seeking the Lord and allowing Him to guide you in every step that you take.
- To my Pastors - PT, Kevin and Annie, Andy and Christy - Words cant describe how much gratitude I have for your dedication and investment in my life... I am blessed for your prayers and spiritual guidance.
- To all my friends, old and new - I am so thankful for the gift of your friendship. Sarah Bla - You have been an anchor to turn to when my life has been chaos. Rochester has become an exciting adventure thanks to you ;) Love ya.

I was so blessed that I had the oppurtunity to spend the last few weeks by my Grandpa's bedside. I held his hand and I talked with him late into the night. I said good bye and I was able to comfort him when he died. I miss him terribly tonight and this weekend and through out the holidays. I just praise the Lord that soon I will be able to dance the streets of Heaven with him. (Right before He passed my mom prayed with him and he gave his heart to the Lord.)

For the oppurtunity to go to school - to work at Mayo - to be living my dreams - for the ultimate gift of Salvation - to live in the United States - to have food, clothes, and a car - to be blessed with finances - Life is a beautiful place with all the blessings I have.

In the end, I was broken - My heart full of joy and I cried .

I climbed back under the covers and let myself fall asleep counting my blessings ...

Miss Fruit of the Spirit (Go with it...)

" We are therefore Christ's ambassadors, as though God were making his appeal through us.." 2 Corinthians 5:20

Today, while reading my devotions up at the local Dunn Bros, (sipping my aronald palmer and a chai carrot muffin - a must have combination) I was thinking about this scripture verse. I began to imaigine what it would be like if we had to have a beauty pagent for representing Christ.

If anyone has ever viewed the Miss USA pagnent, which I used to watch with my sister every year, 50 of the top beautiful eligible ladies promanade on stage and try sell their best assests to obtain the cherished title of MISS USA.

So my point for this rambling, is what if we were to be put on stage to obtain the even more cherished title of being Christ's ambassador.... having to go in front of millions of people on national television and persusade God to be his ambassador... How would you score?

The blessing for us is that Christ has already made us His beloved, cherished Ambassador - without the competition. How are you handling this most honored responsibility?

I dont know if this made any sense, but I just thought it would be a fun concept to blog about.

Back to life at dunn bros, listening to the conversations, and studying for the next exam.

until the next blog - peace

Let me be thirsty for your living water...

Cole James (My New Nephew)

Cole James Kalinowski was born on Sept. 18th. 6 pounds 13 oz. He was 20" . Kyle and Kayla are doing very well, except for lack of sleep ... but are very proud parents. God has truly blessed our family with a little miracle. ( More pictures to come .. but just wanted to give everyone a sneak peak)

Picture Rest

an amazing image of rest... i desire to just rest in you, Lord. let me breathe you in and allow me to feel the beats of my heart... Break me further and help me to reach and give all. numbness and overwhelmed traded for your passion and life. Lord tonight and this weekend, renew and let me rest in you.

Ps. thank you to those who have been praying and giving me encouragement these past few weeks, and being there when I needed you ... giving of your time and sleep ...

"Living with Zeal"

For a while now, I have been unable to write. The changes and the lessons that God has been teaching me have been a hard to swallow. With the new leadership taking place at the G8, I have been consumed with the reality of change is necessary. My heart is overwhelmed the past few days, and ultimately I just have come to the spot where I am worn out. (life is in full force) Although, this morning I have just pressed passed the feelings of overwhelming and asked God for the "Renewing of my mind."

"God, Break down the walls of fear
and trade them with for zeal"

In Acts 4:20, Peter and John were being questioned on behalf of their boldness and they were asked to keep quiet and to not proclaim the name of the Lord Jesus. I was challenged by this response that the men gave ...

" For we cannot help speaking about what we have seen and heard."

The beauty of this statement is that these men were at such place in their faith, that their ZEAL for the Lord outweighed the fear or hesiation to speak.

Fill me with Zeal, a desperate overwhelming passion to seek and speak your Truth.

blurred vision

i need clarity, Lord. open the eyes of my heart.

A morning devotion

The beauty of the morning captured my attention, so i decided to get up and enjoy His presence and the freshness of the last breaths of summer through the windows as it the wind blows gently through the apartment. Anyways.... Here is what is on my heart and what I am praying about as the Lord showed me some things in Scripture.

Proverbs 24: 1- 2

"Do not envy wicked men, do not desire their company; for their hearts plot violence, and their lips talk about making trouble."

In this passage, I think often of the times that I desire the friendship of those that surround me, for instance at work or at school, when it seems as though I am the one left without having the fun and am not invited to gatherings in which activities are being done that I wouldn't even participate in .. . I still long for their friendship and their approval. (Most days) As I approach the coming school year ... I pray that this scripture would help remind me that satisfaction and my pursuit of setting my sight on Jesus and following His plan for my life are not found in the friendships and lifestyles of my fellow classmates and co workers. (How easy it is to simply forget this and just laugh at their jokes which stem from evil hearts... the very thing that we should set ourselves apart from and rebuke or just simply not agree with...)

Living as God has Called me...

1 Corinthians 7: 17-24

The important thing is obeying God's commands. You were bought at a GREAT price and so do not become slaves of people. We are now called slaves of Christ.

In my understanding of slavery, you are the master's. You have no heart or desires of your own and you follow and obey all the requests and the commands made to you by your master. Unfortunately how often do I find myself trying to please the master's of my own flesh or the flesh of the hearts of my friends. I want to live fully for Christ, but no one can serve two Master's ... it says so in His word. (Ive tried and it doesnt get me anywhere I want to be)

With all this being said... I think of where my heart is at right now. In this moment I am guilty of pleasing the hearts of my own flesh and the heart of the my loved ones. I want to be holy and pleasing unto God. I desire to be in His Perfect will. In that I also desire that my friends' would find themselves living out their lives according to His will. Seeking Him first in all that we do, and being bold enough to live out that will... even when it comes with a cost. Living out the will of God is the desire of His heart, talking out the will of God with no actions and passion is complete foolishness.

Here I am Lord, correct and rebuke me. I want to be in your Will.

a quiet prayer

sitting here tonight in anticipation with what is about to take place in my life. hungry with a passion and a desire to make the new steps in my life. my heart is desperate for a new pace and a new pouring out of his spirit. i want to be where you are, i want to see what you see, i want to be broken and humbled by your presence. i want to be renewed daily by your grace and peace. this is me crying out for more. my cry be your cry and let me hear your voice. let your heart echo into my ears and resound louder in my actions. i want to live with passion and greater preserverance. you are my dreams and my strength. on you i want to solely rely. god take me into your presence and change me. i am yours. i no longer want to be following the blindness of my eyes but lead into your light to see clearly the brokeness of the world. i will go to where you call to where you send, just lead me. with the battles raging and the war taking place, let me rise up a warrior ready to give all i have. teach me to speak your truth. let it flow from my tongue as your heart is revealed in me. i want to understand the bread of life, place in me wisdom. inpart in me knowledge only to see your hand. humble me. and break me. i am yours oh lord. make me yours.

Life is beauty through pain...

In the pain that comes from life fragility - if you look hard enough and long enough - you begin to see the beauty that The Lord tries to show us. A lesson can be learned from every trial and experience that we go through in life's journey. This past week with the weakening health of my grandpa, life becomes increasingly more fragile and the pain consumes your passion to fight. An important aspect was brought to my mind by my youth pastor, in which a lesson can be learned. I realized that I had been looking right at it: compassion. I need to learn a more intimate level of compassion for every detail of my life. I have been given a unique oppurtunity to experience things... individual to me. Embrace them. School is just around the corner, and I pray that I will apply the same level of compassion into reading the text book in order to one day be able to help care for patients with all that I have. Lord supply me with the passion to keep fighting for those I love and when I am overwhelmed with life's battles I pray you give me strength and perservenance.

Vulnerable

I have so much on my heart ... that I cant bear to think. I am shutting down. I am vulnerable. Someone take my heart and hold it for a while... i need to rest.

Misguided

Discontent.Unsatisfaction. Self Pity.

Disgusting words that describe my overwhelmed heart.

I want. (is all that I cant have)

I need. (is all that I can have)

Why is that I continue to go after the want? When what I need is right here waiting for me ... right at my finger tips?

God ... redirect my heart and lead me to the cross

redefined

"To be my discliple - you need to abandon your heart, dreams, and soul ..."

to live for Christ goes beyond the element of Salvation.