When you cant sleep... Count your blessings

Last night, I was tossing and turning ... just couldnt fall asleep. I became really frustrated and decided to roll out from the covers and began to pace the floor. (Yes, I really did.) My heart was heavy with thoughts and I started to cry. It was Thanksgiving, and I had not taken a moment to Thank God for all of the wonderful blessings in my life.

My past year and half has been very crazy as I have become older and have been learning that life as an "adult" is not what I thought it would be... Although, through all the tears and the pain ... There are these blessings that shine!

So here is a list of some of the significant blessings in my life:
- My mother and my father have been on their knees praying for me since before I took my first breath of life. I have been blessed by their commitment to the Lord, and to each other. They love each other more today and continue to set an example of a Godly marriage.
- My brothers have been protecting me and been my best friends. I have traveled and learned so many things from them and we are each others support. Kyle was blessed with a new baby (Cole is a perfectly healthy boy) and a beautiful bride Kayla.
- My sister continues to keep me organized and on track with all the craziness that school brings and make sures that I am eating healthy... She has heard me rant and rave over all of life trials and excitments. I love you dear sister.
- My roommate is an inspiration that lives passionately for the Lord. Her heart and her soul seek Him first and I am so thankful to be able to see her everyday. The Lord has been so faithful in showing us His mercy and granting us peace in our home. I love you Jesse McNally. You have helped me more than you know ... even when i have to wake you at the break of dawn. ;)
- To my friends - Carin (my BFF who is serving in the Military), Alicia, erin, ellie, You girls have been there for me through everything... and even though we may never get to see each other... I love you. Seriously I pray for you often .. Keep seeking the Lord and allowing Him to guide you in every step that you take.
- To my Pastors - PT, Kevin and Annie, Andy and Christy - Words cant describe how much gratitude I have for your dedication and investment in my life... I am blessed for your prayers and spiritual guidance.
- To all my friends, old and new - I am so thankful for the gift of your friendship. Sarah Bla - You have been an anchor to turn to when my life has been chaos. Rochester has become an exciting adventure thanks to you ;) Love ya.

I was so blessed that I had the oppurtunity to spend the last few weeks by my Grandpa's bedside. I held his hand and I talked with him late into the night. I said good bye and I was able to comfort him when he died. I miss him terribly tonight and this weekend and through out the holidays. I just praise the Lord that soon I will be able to dance the streets of Heaven with him. (Right before He passed my mom prayed with him and he gave his heart to the Lord.)

For the oppurtunity to go to school - to work at Mayo - to be living my dreams - for the ultimate gift of Salvation - to live in the United States - to have food, clothes, and a car - to be blessed with finances - Life is a beautiful place with all the blessings I have.

In the end, I was broken - My heart full of joy and I cried .

I climbed back under the covers and let myself fall asleep counting my blessings ...

Miss Fruit of the Spirit (Go with it...)

" We are therefore Christ's ambassadors, as though God were making his appeal through us.." 2 Corinthians 5:20

Today, while reading my devotions up at the local Dunn Bros, (sipping my aronald palmer and a chai carrot muffin - a must have combination) I was thinking about this scripture verse. I began to imaigine what it would be like if we had to have a beauty pagent for representing Christ.

If anyone has ever viewed the Miss USA pagnent, which I used to watch with my sister every year, 50 of the top beautiful eligible ladies promanade on stage and try sell their best assests to obtain the cherished title of MISS USA.

So my point for this rambling, is what if we were to be put on stage to obtain the even more cherished title of being Christ's ambassador.... having to go in front of millions of people on national television and persusade God to be his ambassador... How would you score?

The blessing for us is that Christ has already made us His beloved, cherished Ambassador - without the competition. How are you handling this most honored responsibility?

I dont know if this made any sense, but I just thought it would be a fun concept to blog about.

Back to life at dunn bros, listening to the conversations, and studying for the next exam.

until the next blog - peace

Let me be thirsty for your living water...

Cole James (My New Nephew)

Cole James Kalinowski was born on Sept. 18th. 6 pounds 13 oz. He was 20" . Kyle and Kayla are doing very well, except for lack of sleep ... but are very proud parents. God has truly blessed our family with a little miracle. ( More pictures to come .. but just wanted to give everyone a sneak peak)

Picture Rest

an amazing image of rest... i desire to just rest in you, Lord. let me breathe you in and allow me to feel the beats of my heart... Break me further and help me to reach and give all. numbness and overwhelmed traded for your passion and life. Lord tonight and this weekend, renew and let me rest in you.

Ps. thank you to those who have been praying and giving me encouragement these past few weeks, and being there when I needed you ... giving of your time and sleep ...

"Living with Zeal"

For a while now, I have been unable to write. The changes and the lessons that God has been teaching me have been a hard to swallow. With the new leadership taking place at the G8, I have been consumed with the reality of change is necessary. My heart is overwhelmed the past few days, and ultimately I just have come to the spot where I am worn out. (life is in full force) Although, this morning I have just pressed passed the feelings of overwhelming and asked God for the "Renewing of my mind."

"God, Break down the walls of fear
and trade them with for zeal"

In Acts 4:20, Peter and John were being questioned on behalf of their boldness and they were asked to keep quiet and to not proclaim the name of the Lord Jesus. I was challenged by this response that the men gave ...

" For we cannot help speaking about what we have seen and heard."

The beauty of this statement is that these men were at such place in their faith, that their ZEAL for the Lord outweighed the fear or hesiation to speak.

Fill me with Zeal, a desperate overwhelming passion to seek and speak your Truth.

blurred vision

i need clarity, Lord. open the eyes of my heart.